From the Provincial: The Spiritual Wisdom of Saying ‘Yes’ to Ourselves

Every fortnight, Br Peter Carroll, Provincial of the Star of the Sea Province, shares a reflective editorial that invites the Marist community into deeper spiritual insight and contemplation.

We Marists tend to be practical, down-to-earth, active. We like to be productive, task-focussed and engaged. At times we can even appear driven. Undoubtedly, we inherited this trait from St Marcellin. Without recounting his biography, I’m sure you can see the analogy. He was an energetic, active man, until he contracted cancer.

There is an implicit question in his story – did he overwork and fail to care sufficiently for 

himself, thereby damaging his health? It’s possible.

The Marian virtue of saying “yes” lies at the very heart of our Marist way. This yes” resounds through our history: from the first Brothers and those who gave their lives for the mission, to the ongoing “yes” of the Champagnat Marist family today. Naturally, our “yes” takes its inspiration directly from Mary at the Annunciation, where she responded to God’s call with: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38). 

That “Let it be done” is the ultimate example of faithful obedience and openness.

Our “yes” leads us into active mission. We take up the challenges put to us; we look for ways to educate, nurture, care, and bear witness to the Gospel. After all, ‘love of work’ is one of our five characteristics. Our “yes” is important, but there can be traps. We can sometimes feel compelled to say yes, feeling anxious and guilty if we don’t. Saying “yes” constantly can be like applying the mask of a ‘tireless martyr’ or putting on the image of the noble person. In other words, part of the reason can be our own ego needs. But this isn’t the Marian “yes”. 

The Marian “yes” is not a passive yes, or a default or begrudging response. It is a powerful, freely given consent - an act of courageous embrace, even without seeing the whole picture. As illustrated by Marists before us, and those who walk with us today, it tells us to reflect this “yes” in everyday life, striving to respond to God as Mary did – with generosity, humility and faith.

There may also be spiritual wisdom in sometimes saying “no” - or, in choosing to care for ourselves. In our zeal to fulfill responsibilities and meet needs, we may forget how important it is to say “yes” to rest, reflection, nourishment, and boundaries.

One of the issues we’ve become more aware of in recent years is “self-care”. This shouldn’t be seen as self-indulgent or pampering ourselves; rather, it is a reminder that in life ‘balance’ is the best rule. Think of the standard pre-flight announcement that is given on board a plane: “fit your oxygen mask first before helping others”. If you want to assist others, you need to be in a fit state to do so. If someone depends on you, then you need to look after yourself. 

Prioritising our well-being sometimes triggers guilt in us, as if we are letting down our values or community. But this is misreading what God asks. If we neglect ourselves, our sense of “yes” becomes burdensome, and the way we approach our task can become a chore, not something we do wholeheartedly and joyfully. 

To cultivate a sustainable “yes,” our assent should arise from freedom and discernment, not from compulsion or burnout. This “yes” must be rooted in contemplation, balance, and a spirituality that upholds both loving service and genuine self-care. The Gospels tell us that Jesus had times when he went away from the crowds, he went into the desert before his ministry began, he went into the hills or wandered by the seashore. These were moments of reflection, prayer, communing with His Father. 

We all need these periods to replenish our spiritual energies. There is a beautiful story in the Book of Kings (1 Kings 19) of Elijah, fearful and exhausted, fleeing into the desert. There he falls asleep and prays for death. However, the angel of the Lord comes to him not once, but twice, and encourages him to eat and drink and prepare for his journey. 

This narrative gently honours the inward, replenishing “yes” that enables us to sustain our outward “yes” in service. To be fully prepared for the journey, we need to nourish ourselves, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We cannot pour from an empty jug!

It is the small “yeses” to ourselves - rest, health, solitude, prayer – that enable us to offer the larger, generous “yes” to God, to our community, and to our mission.

-Br Peter Carroll, Provincial